Ep. 15 Kayla Magbie.mp3
Monica Patton: [00:00:01] What does it mean to be completely healthy? Welcome to the podcast, where you'll find encouraging stories to help us focus on all layers of our health the mental, the physical, the [00:00:15] emotional, the spiritual. I'm Monica Patton and these are the parts of us. I sit down to talk with Kayla Magbie, mental health coordinator of Fort Payne City Schools. We discuss [00:00:30] the importance of fostering resilience with our kids. How we can encourage social emotional learning. Kayla along with Erin Cagle, system wide social worker are starting a new program at Fort Payne in hopes to provide [00:00:45] caregivers and parental support. I hope you feel empowered and supported when you listen to this conversation because you're not alone in trying to parent the children in your life. As Kayla brilliantly says [00:01:00] at the end, we are all humans just trying to survive. I hope you enjoyed this conversation. Kayla, thanks for being here.

Kayla Magbie: [00:01:13] Awesome. Thank you for having me. So [00:01:15] excited.

Monica Patton: [00:01:15] Good. Me too. So you are, for those that don't know, you are the social worker. One of the social workers along with Erin Cagle at the Fort Payne City School system. And that includes [00:01:30] four different schools for those that are not familiar with Fort Payne. So I'd love for you to kind of start by telling our listeners what you do because I think some people don't completely [00:01:45] know what social workers do within the school systems because that is fairly new in recent years. Thankfully, they are in our schools now. So explain to us a little bit what maybe you do or just social workers do in general in the schools. [00:02:00]

Kayla Magbie: [00:02:00] So at Fort Payne City Schools we are very fortunate. So how we break it down, I am the mental health coordinator and then Aaron is our system wide social worker, which those are just titles. We do very similar things. We pretty much do the [00:02:15] same thing. And Aaron is my right hand and I have to give Erin Cagle a shout out because without her, I don't know kind of where I would be with our school system because, you know, some years ago I was just one and said, oh, we only [00:02:30] have one more person. One more person is a lot, especially when they have the work ethic that she does. And so she makes a huge difference for our school system. And so it took me a minute to to think about that because now we have five schools because when you include our pre-K. [00:02:45] So we also have a pre-K program as well that's in a totally separate building. So Fort Payne is Fort Payne High School, Fort Payne Middle School, Little Ridge Intermediate, Wills Valley Elementary, and then our pre-K program, [00:03:00] which is at our Williams Avenue School. And so we try to serve all those schools well. I say try. We do serve all those schools. Pre-k is a bit different just because of the age. If they are of a certain maturity [00:03:15] level, then we can try to provide services. But when we're looking at our entire school system, it's five schools and so five schools with two people. The math ain't mathing, but we do the best that we can. And I truly feel like we [00:03:30] serve our students and our school system the best we can every day. So just in general, like a little snippet of what I would say that Erin and I do, we are more so of like we put [00:03:45] out fires, basically, and what that may entail. It could it could entail multiple things. Um, we provide one-on-one services for students on campus that could be talking to a student about relationship problems, [00:04:00] conflicts at home grades, social or peer issues or concerns. The list goes on. We also provide group counseling. Um, we o [00:04:15]ur liaisons for our local agencies as far as the mental health center and then the Children's Advocacy Center. DHR, JPO, local [00:04:30] businesses, local community agencies. We try to be a liaison between the school system and them. One thing that I think a lot of people don't have a clue we do that we do every single day is monitor our students Chromebook [00:04:45] usage. So we monitor our students from really kindergarten all the way up to 12th grade. We can receive an alert from their Chromebook. Yes, it's a school device that we have issued so they can, you know, complete their, [00:05:00] their grades and their their academics. But anything that they search in Google, we have access to it and a lot of our day to day is monitoring that. That could be as simple song. That could be two students chatting [00:05:15] about a breakup that could be a student searching depression or anxiety or that could be a student searching the suicide hotline. It varies, but that's something that we do throughout the day on top of doing face-to-face services. [00:05:30] So in a nutshell, we again, I say we put out fires, but we also try to provide supportive services so that our students can be just happy, healthy and productive students and hopefully turn [00:05:45] into happy, healthy, productive adults.

Monica Patton: [00:05:47] That's our goal.

Kayla Magbie: [00:05:48] That's the overall goal, you know, is is to build from our young students to our intermediate students to our middle school, to our high school. And then those high school students are coming out into the world as productive [00:06:00] citizens, not only being able to be productive as far as making a living, but being decent human beings, having a good understanding, a good foundation of what that means. And we look at school as, you know, you have to get your education, your reading, writing [00:06:15] and arithmetic. You know, as my grandmother used to say, but it is so much hard.

Monica Patton: [00:06:19] Arithmetic in a long time.

Kayla Magbie: [00:06:20] Oh, my gosh, you gotta get your reading, writing, arithmetic. But there's so much more to that, especially with today's children, because a lot [00:06:30] of things that I see is that we have very smart children, very, very smart. They're doing things that we would not even touch on back when I was in school. But they also have a tremendous amount of challenges just with social things, [00:06:45] with technology, that's a game changer. And so on top of maintaining decent grades, the social component of just being in school and being a young adult is huge. And so that's [00:07:00] I think is the big struggle is to how do you mold all that and get a productive young adult when they come out of high school. That. Like, how do you mold all that to a productive, you know, young adult so that they can be successful [00:07:15] in whatever that may be?

Monica Patton: [00:07:16] Yeah, I agree. And I think you hit the nail on the head talking about well, it just shows you like with Chromebook usage and y'all monitoring that, there's a reason for that, right? [00:07:30] Which is why we should be monitoring to some degree our kids phones and social media. And that is a balance and everybody has different viewpoints on that. But I agree. I think that the technology that our kids are [00:07:45] exposed to and have, there's so many benefits, right. And like you said, academically, a lot of kids are thriving and which is great. But what about socially and how are they being affected socially and emotionally? [00:08:00] And I feel like that is where some lack is due to. I'm not going to blame any one person or any one thing. It's just our culture now. So how do we learn to manage the technology and still yeah, like [00:08:15] you said, raise, you know, socially, you know, happy, healthy. Kids. It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure for kids and it's a lot of pressure as parents and caregivers. Absolutely.

Kayla Magbie: [00:08:26] And so, you know, there's terms that have been flying around probably now for the past, [00:08:30] I would say maybe a year for me, just with the circle that I run with and that social emotional learning. And that's the new like phrase that everybody's trying to jump on, because that is where education is, is is turning to is social [00:08:45] emotional learning. And I think that just encompasses all of it that we have to teach our students, but we also have to support them socially and emotionally. Otherwise, what they're learning is just going to go in one ear and out the other. [00:09:00] And so that's that's the big challenge. And I do think that, you know, I love technology just like everybody else. I have a phone, I have all the things. And I think back to when I was in school, the big thing was the the flip phones, the Razr phones. And I [00:09:15] was in like middle school, high school when I got my first phone. You have kids now in elementary school who have better phones than I do right now as an adult, you have kids who have been exposed to, you know, iPads and kid iPads or whatever [00:09:30] before, you know, six, seven years old.

Monica Patton: [00:09:34] They don't know a life without it.

Kayla Magbie: [00:09:35] They don't know a life without it. And that to me is is pros and cons to it because they're very, very smart, because they know they can obtain [00:09:45] a lot of information from just this one device. But also it takes away just from the social component of being a person, being a human. We do have a lot of students who struggle with making eye contact, with communicating with words [00:10:00] like verbally, you know, but then they can type up a book. I can go into a chat room and type their whole life story, but they would dare say that out in public. And again, there's pros and cons to it. But I do think [00:10:15] that when we look back some years from now, that that there will be some consequences to that. I would say, you know, there's things that I see now that I do believe they are great, but [00:10:30] I do believe at the same time that they're going to be consequences in the future for it as far as just mild things like interviewing skills, that that's something that has gone away. Public speaking. I can't tell you how many students struggle with [00:10:45] just public speaking. And I used to tell people all the time because they say, oh, you know, Kayla, you do a really good job at public speaking or, you know, you don't seem nervous at all. And I tell people that I remember being a child at church [00:11:00] doing a speech or a play or, you know, Black History Month, and you'd have to get up there and read a skit or, you know, read a verse from the Bible. And my grandmother, my mother would make me remember like, [00:11:15] remember mine. And so I think that helped me at a young age to be comfortable and confident, to speak and to know what you're talking about. Even, you know, I don't really hear that I have a list, [00:11:30] but I do when I like I hear myself talk back. It still doesn't bother me because I really, like contribute that to my upbringing with my mother and my grandmother, my family, you know, to to push me, to be young [00:11:45] and to be okay, to lead a song or, you know, be okay to to read a speech at church. And those were some of my first speaking, you know, events as a young child. And [00:12:00] you'd think now the first time most kids speak in public is in, I don't know, ninth or 10th grade when they're doing something in a reading class or in English where they have to present something and they're terrified because they've never been exposed to it. And [00:12:15] so that, I think, has changed over the years, is that you can have a child now who's never known a life without technology, and so they've never been exposed to that face to face communication until it's time to [00:12:30] turn in a job application or it's time to sit for a scholarship interview or a job interview. And so it terrifies them because they've never been exposed to it.

Monica Patton: [00:12:41] I'm glad you brought that up. So I guess that's just [00:12:45] a good point to leave with us as parents. And I feel like this is just such the balance that we we have to deal with with with parents is when to push and when to pull back with with kids. So providing [00:13:00] opportunities for your children as young as possible to, like you said in real life conversations whether and you just back it up like you're talking about public speaking. But. That's like, and that is the number one fear [00:13:15] and always has. I mean, they say for most people, you know, that's not unusual. But I think it is getting harder because we don't have as much face to face. We don't have you go back to just like phone calls like, you know, mostly we text, we email, we Snapchat, you know, all the [00:13:30] things that we do. So just learning to. Deal with people. Like you said, just eye contact. Just natural skills. Give give more opportunities for your children. Empower them. [00:13:45] Let them know it's okay to feel nervous and it's okay to like struggle. But it will get better. But I feel like I know what I'm saying and you're probably seeing this too, is a lot of social anxiety that's coming from this and it [00:14:00] doesn't get better not doing the thing absolutely right. So it's like. We got to push. And that is hard. It is.

Kayla Magbie: [00:14:08] Hard. And I see parents where they want the best for their child, but they don't want to put them in an uncomfortable position. And I will tell you, [00:14:15] um, excuse me. One thing that I've seen that is super simple that that parents can start doing is when your child is I don't know, I would say like 8 or 9, maybe even ten, I guess. Let's go with that. Allow them [00:14:30] to order their food themselves. Start there. Start there. Allow them to order their food for themselves.

Monica Patton: [00:14:37] That's a good point too. I like that.

Kayla Magbie: [00:14:38] Well, it's. It's something simple that that I've seen that. I [00:14:45] don't think parents do enough of like, I'll be out in public and I'll see what it would appear to be like a semi grown kid and. Their parents speaking for them at the table when the waitress comes to take the order. [00:15:00] Why?

Monica Patton: [00:15:02] Well, and it's an opportunity once again to have that eye contact with someone. Right. And these allergies we just have.

Kayla Magbie: [00:15:12] It's rough. But you got to keep moving. You got to keep. Yeah. [00:15:15] Yeah.

Monica Patton: [00:15:16] Another thing I've I think a good idea is to I've done this myself where just let my kid go into a gas station and go, you know, get their own stuff and deal with the [00:15:30] attendant there to where it's like they need to learn to do things without you.

Kayla Magbie: [00:15:35] Oh, yeah, right. Absolutely. At an earlier age versus, you know, when they hit teenage years and then it's just expected of you to do that for them. And so again, [00:15:45] I contribute that with my grandmother and my mother to allow me to be semi independent semi. You know, productive as a young person so that when I become older, it's not something foreign to me [00:16:00] because, oh, you know, everything's so scary and and, you know, life is scary. The world is scary. And it always has been and it always has been. But if it is scary, we have to build stronger and more resilient people. You know what I mean? It has to match. [00:16:15] You know, you're saying you're saying, oh, my gosh, it's so scary out here. Yes, it is. Well, then we got to prepare our children to be resilient. That's the one thing I see all the time that we kind of lack, but also to be prepared. And it's okay to mess up. You know, [00:16:30] you're not perfect. And when you look at different generations, you could talk to somebody, you know, in an older generation and they're like, you know, we didn't have anxiety back in the day. We didn't have that depression. We walked to school, we did these things, and it was like, you did. You had those things, [00:16:45] but you were resilient. You pushed through all of that. Yeah. And that's where through the different generations, I feel like resilience has kind of left us.

Monica Patton: [00:16:56] That's the key, right? That resilience [00:17:00] is what gets us back up, right? Or gets us through whatever hard times.

Kayla Magbie: [00:17:08] Because that's just what life is. Life. You're going to have ups and downs. You're going to have hard times. And I think that's what's has has been lacking [00:17:15] for a while. And I hope we can bring it back. But that starts at home.

Monica Patton: [00:17:20] Okay. So what does that look like? So when we say resilience, I think, maybe we all maybe we have different definitions. How would you define that? And [00:17:30] how can we as parents, from your point of view, as caregivers or, you know, I would even say teachers if you have a child in your life. Okay. What can we do [00:17:45] to foster that in our children?

Kayla Magbie: [00:17:49] You know, I still I think there's still I'm looking for all the answers to do that. But things that I have seen is to it is, okay, allow your child to fail. [00:18:00] It is okay when you put that sense of, oh my gosh, you cannot fail on a child on a person, period. They're not going to try because that's too scary. So allow them to fail [00:18:15] and allow them to try to pick themselves up and you can help them. That is fine. But to me, that's what resilience is, is that you're going to get knocked down ten times, but you have got to get up that 11th time, even though if you get knocked down [00:18:30] that 10th time and you know that you are not going to make it to that 11th step, get up anyways, even though you know the next blow is going to come, you still get up and you take it on the chin, if that makes sense. To me, that's what resilience is, is that no matter how long [00:18:45] or how hard the road is ahead of you, you have to face it. You have to face it, and you got to take one step every day. You got to take one step to whatever it is you're trying to trying to achieve.

Monica Patton: [00:18:56] Avoidance doesn't work.

Kayla Magbie: [00:18:58] No. Avoidance is the [00:19:00] enemy and the complete opposite of what resilience is to me. If you avoid something you are not even trying or to to attempt it, then you can't even show or prove to yourself that you are resilient.

Monica Patton: [00:19:11] And I would say and I'm speaking to myself here, too, okay, I'm [00:19:15] not just like, hey, you know, we can have all this great advice, right? Me too.

Kayla Magbie: [00:19:18] But same.

Monica Patton: [00:19:20] Also, it's hit me like, you know, I'm I'm pushing my kids to do scary things. I'm pushing my kids to, like, you know, do that hard thing, keep going. They've also got to see they [00:19:30] do. And we have to model. And once again, we're going to fail. We're humans. So it's just I think what we're saying is as as adults, as children, let's just be human.

Kayla Magbie: [00:19:44] Just be human [00:19:45] and support one another and support.

Monica Patton: [00:19:46] One another in the process.

Kayla Magbie: [00:19:48] And it's good to see. I'm glad you brought that up, too, because, you know, I try to show the youth in my life, like Kehlani and Shalane, that I [00:20:00] work at something every day. I go to a job every day that I love, and they see me stressed and they see that it might take a toll on me, but I show up the next day. I want them to see that for me. They see every day that I go to the gym [00:20:15] and I work on making myself better, not even just physically, but mentally. They see that and I want them to see that this year alone, Kehlani she started working out with me, so I asked her to do things. I tell her all the [00:20:30] time, I'm not asking you to do anything that I have not done. And and I know it's hard, but I know that she's capable. And so that's what I want her to see from me. That's what I want the youth in my life to see from me is that I'm working towards being a better me. [00:20:45] I'm working towards being a better me for you. I'm working towards being a better me for my job, for the community. And if everybody did that, just work towards being a better you, whatever that may be. It it was spread like wildfire. It was spreading [00:21:00] your school. It was spreading your community. It was spreading your home. It was spreading your church. It was spread everywhere. And that if anybody is like, man, what what did that what did that Kayla Magbie stand for? What I want to stand for is that you as a person, take care of yourself. Mentally, [00:21:15] physically, all the above, so that you can be the best version of yourself for others. And then they can see that and you're like, Mm, she's doing something right. I want to do be the best version of myself. And then it's a ripple effect. [00:21:30]

Monica Patton: [00:21:30] Best not perfect.

Kayla Magbie: [00:21:31] Best, whatever your best is. I seen somebody say the other day and maybe on TikTok, you know, everybody loves social media, but if you only have 50% to give and you gave that 50%, you hit your best. You cannot be. So [00:21:45] I am my own worst critic. And I have to look at that some days and like, man, I didn't even accomplish anything today. So I'm over here hacking and I sound like I got a frog in my throat. But this is my best right now. This is it. This is my best right now. And so I [00:22:00] can look at that and say, man, I sound horrible or I'm not, you know, don't have all my energy up, but this is where I am. So this is my best right now. You know what? You did give it to you.

Monica Patton: [00:22:08] You showed up.

Kayla Magbie: [00:22:08] I did. You got to. I'm like, give me all the coffee. Give me all the tea, give me all the water. I'm going to show up because I made a commitment and, [00:22:15] you know, you got to show up and you got to be resilient. And if I'm going to, you know, tell people, hey, this is my this is what I think and da da da da, I want you to see that in me. I want you to see that in me. Just like we spoke earlier. You know, I fought through the sickness or whatever. And [00:22:30] the reason I took off that day because I felt like I could because we had a virtual day. So that's why I went to the doctor. But, you know, had we not had that virtual day, I know I would have went to work. That's just what it is. You got to be resilient, but to a point, because you have to [00:22:45] have self care. You got to have self care.

Monica Patton: [00:22:48] Yes. And when you mentioned the exercise. I wanted to speak on that for a minute because I think that's I feel like that's [00:23:00] another lost unless and this is for all people, okay. Whether when I really prefer to say move because yes, exercise sort of triggers some people like, oh, I don't want to go to a gym for an hour. Okay, that's fine. That works for some people and it doesn't for some people. But [00:23:15] we have got to move. Our children have to move. We cannot be indoors. We need the vitamin D, We got to walk off our stress. However you choose to do it, we got to move. Right. Let me.

Kayla Magbie: [00:23:27] Tell you. Okay. Let me give a plug real quick. Let me shout out to [00:23:30] my gym family, Fosters training, Fosters family. It's a fantastic place. It's owned by Marissa Foster. There's fantastic coaches over there. If you've never been, you got to stop in and check it out. There's amazing things going on in that building and there's amazing people in [00:23:45] that building. But for me, and I think people who have seen my social media and seen me out, they know that I love to work out and I'm so thankful for it because as a person in, you know, counseling [00:24:00] and I'm a servant to others, a lot of times I overlook myself. And what this has, you know, provided me and offered me is my time. So like clockwork, literally, when I get off [00:24:15] of work, I go to the gym. That is my hour, hour and a half where it is just me, my people in a safe place where I can work out and not even like you said, I don't even have to be workout exercise. It can just be movement to where [00:24:30] what it does for me, it builds my confidence, not physically. The physical stuff comes later. It builds my confidence inward, my mental space. I have so much more clarity after I finish working out. That's usually when I journal after I have [00:24:45] accomplished something that I thought, Man, this is a hard workout.

Kayla Magbie: [00:24:48] And in my mind I'm literally like trying to talk myself out of this workout and I have to be resilient to finish this workout. And when I am, I feel so much better [00:25:00] about myself. I'm like, Oh my gosh, It, you know, somebody else made a complete that workout in 15 minutes and it may have took me 25, but I did it. And I feel good about myself. So small things that helped me feel better about myself helps me work on my mental, my own mental well-being, [00:25:15] and gives me a peace of mind to where I can, you know, kind of sweat that day away, literally sweat it away. And then, you know, the best part about it, when I finished that workout, I can go home to my family and [00:25:30] not take my work home because really, we're in two totally different components in as an adult, you are in your work life, you're in your personal life, and sometimes it's hard to separate the two and you want to show up and be 100% for both. [00:25:45] So I have that break kind of in between to where I can switch gears. And now I'm in my family, you know, my family's own and they deserve 100% of me, just like my work deserves 100% of me.

Monica Patton: [00:25:56] That's perfect timing. If everybody could do that, that that transitional [00:26:00] where you're like, okay, you work out like you said, you work out the day. And I just feel like it's important to say when when we say exercise, that can trigger some issues for people. Yeah, that might have body image issues or think, okay, like it's all about, [00:26:15] like you said, the physical. Okay. You how you feel. This is where I'm at at this point in my life. How I feel mentally and physically is more important than how I look.

Kayla Magbie: [00:26:25] Oh, yeah, for sure.

Monica Patton: [00:26:26] And I feel like you got to get there, like, once you get there. [00:26:30] It's like you've hit it where it's like you can look good in quotation marks, okay, And not feel good. Oh, yeah, 100%.

Kayla Magbie: [00:26:39] And it doesn't have to be working out like you said, it could be. You go outside and sit on a bench. Yes. You go out, you go [00:26:45] to your mailbox, you, whatever. And that's the thing. And it may take some time to figure out what your thing is. And it took me some time to figure out what my thing was. But whatever it may be, it may be just reading, it may be doing yoga, it may be just going for a walk. It may be [00:27:00] literally just sitting outside and maybe going from your front door to your mailbox and back. Just something that will give you a peace of mind that keeps you moving, I think is a game changer. I think a lot of people I think a lot of people forget about that. And [00:27:15] it's scary to see that our youth, even more so than ever, are losing like the physical component of growing up and being a child.

Monica Patton: [00:27:26] Getting outside and playing, getting outside.

Kayla Magbie: [00:27:28] I can't tell you. We used to have a [00:27:30] bike gang literally in my neighborhood. We would ride.

Monica Patton: [00:27:33] We all did.

Kayla Magbie: [00:27:33] Scary. I mean, we would ride bikes from sun up to sun down. Then when the streetlight would come on, everybody would scatter and go home. But I mean, we used to go and change out tires and like all the [00:27:45] the the rims to go faster. And like those days, I just remember I love those days and I don't even see bikes anymore. Do people even own bikes? Like, do kids still like ask for bikes for Christmas?

Monica Patton: [00:27:58] I don't know. If they do. It's like [00:28:00] they go on like, trails. Like it's like it's like an adult bike.

Kayla Magbie: [00:28:03] Like, yeah, I used to ask for a brand new bike. I feel like every Christmas or birthday, like you needed a ten speed or whatever the speed was. I don't like, do they sell bikes anymore or basketball goals or whatever? [00:28:15] We used to get out and do different things and you don't realize the impact that that had on you, not only physically, but you were outside. You also were being social. Now everything is inside. Everything is isolated, isolated, and you're on a device. You don't [00:28:30] know who you're talking to. That happens a lot, too, when we have like, well, yeah, I have a lot of friends. I'm like, Who are they? And it's like, I don't know.

Monica Patton: [00:28:37] Yeah.

Kayla Magbie: [00:28:38] So, you know, they may be chatting with them on different games.

Monica Patton: [00:28:41] In isolation just produces so much negativity. Now we're not [00:28:45] talking about like I'm a big I'm a big fan of alone time. I love alone time. I love that. But that's not what we're talking about. We don't need tons alone, alone, like a lot of alone time. Like if we are living very isolated, it is not healthy. And [00:29:00] so it's like once again, it's pushing, pushing ourselves, pushing our children. And listen, they don't like it. No, they don't like it when we say, hey, turn it off, Get outside.

Kayla Magbie: [00:29:10] Oh, my gosh. It's like, what do you mean? It's literally like you're asking them to do something [00:29:15] that is dangerous. But, you know, again, I'm thinking, you know, 5 to 10 years, we'll go back and we'll see. I'm all I love a good research and data and different things like that. And I've said for years, you know, since the Covid pandemic, that [00:29:30] this time, the time that we've gone through in our life will show up in history books, of course. But I think it's going to be more than that because it has changed the idea and the [00:29:45] perception of what school or education could be. Because we did virtual, we had virtual component, you know, shout out to Fort Payne City schools. We did not close our doors. We had different, you know, aspects where you can be virtual or some could come [00:30:00] on campus. And that was wonderful. And you know, to the students who did go virtual, sometimes it was great and they were able to transition back smoothly, but some were not. And having that long term isolation, [00:30:15] I think will affect them and affect just the world years from now. Yeah, you know, and I think we're seeing it now.

Monica Patton: [00:30:24] Absolutely. We're seeing it now.

Kayla Magbie: [00:30:25] You know where you see it at when you go through a drive through and they may [00:30:30] say, hey, we're looking for help or we're hiring. Young people went through that time and they were isolated. People don't want to work anymore or don't have the desire to be around a lot of people. It's not that they may not not want to work. They may just not want [00:30:45] to be around people or deal in, you know, like public service or anything. So it is that's where I see it, especially when the restaurants and the businesses were opening back up, they were struggling. It was like, you know, they [00:31:00] had like half the crew was like, where is everybody? Well, everybody didn't come back to work. You know, that's that's scary because then you're like, okay, well, if if people figure out that they don't have to do these things, then, you know, how is that going to affect the world long term, affect our city and [00:31:15] our community and our state and just all the above. And I think, you know, the next 5 or 10 years, we will see even more of that next time you go through a drive through and you're like, Why is this so slow? Well, they're down like four people. I'll ask them. I ask people all the time, like, what's going on? Well, we just can't find anybody [00:31:30] to come and work.

Monica Patton: [00:31:30] And I mean, I've just I've heard too many kids say this. Like, I think the perception is, oh, people don't want to work. A lot of people don't want to work with people.

Kayla Magbie: [00:31:39] A lot of people don't want to work.

Monica Patton: [00:31:40] Not just they don't want to work. They don't want to work with people. Don't know. There's a lot of kids saying that. Yes. [00:31:45] And so we've got once again, we got to push.

Kayla Magbie: [00:31:51] Yes.

Monica Patton: [00:31:52] We got to push ourselves. We got to push our kids in our lives with love. Yeah.

Kayla Magbie: [00:31:57] And that that is a form of love. I think it is. [00:32:00] I think it's a form of love because you're like, Hey, I want you to be able to stand on your own when I'm no longer around you.

Monica Patton: [00:32:07] The tough side of love. Yeah. Is that it's not the easy one. It's not the one we want to do. No.

Kayla Magbie: [00:32:12] Yeah, it's.

Monica Patton: [00:32:12] Just. But we got to do it.

Kayla Magbie: [00:32:13] We do? I think so, for [00:32:15] sure. Which brings me to, you know, the is you parents are like, okay, were you saying all this good stuff? But what are you going to do to help me achieve this? You know? And I'm like, Yeah, I do say a lot of good stuff, but you're right. I [00:32:30] need to put my money where my mouth is and and try to help you achieve these things that we are discussing. And that's this year Aaron and I are going to start a parent group. It's going to be called Fpcs All [00:32:45] in. And this group is going to be offered to parents from any parent from pre-K to 12th grade. They're welcome to come. We are going to have an hour group once a month at Williams [00:33:00] Avenue from 4:30 to 5:30. The first 30 minutes is going to be targeting a specific topic and the last 30 minutes is just going to be open discussion. And I think the open discussion part is what I'm most excited about is because I [00:33:15] feel like parents, adults don't have an outlet and they feel like they're going at it alone or they feel like, you know, the things that they are trying to do is not working.

Kayla Magbie: [00:33:25] And this is just a moment for them and for us as just people and adults to to talk [00:33:30] be humans and just to say this is what's going on in my life. What do you think? What are your, um, you know, what are your opinions and, and just to bounce ideas off each other. I think that's kind of what we're looking at, is just to provide some support for [00:33:45] our parents so that they don't feel like that they're going at it alone. Me and Aaron joke all the time that we co-parent, you know, thousands of kids. And to a sense we do because we want our parents to feel supported and to feel [00:34:00] like we are on their side. We are a team. And even though you're on a team, you're not always going to agree. And that's okay. That doesn't mean we don't want to support you. We want to support you. We're going to give our opinion and we hope you give your opinion. And we still want to be a team to help [00:34:15] you be the best for your child.

Monica Patton: [00:34:18] I think this is awesome. I think it's needed, as I can say from a parent, I can't get enough resources. Like, I mean, if if you are raising children right now, you like [00:34:30] we never know it all. It's constantly changing. We we can learn from each other like like like you said, just knowing you're not alone. You're not the only parent that's dealing with this and being able to talk to other parents, being able to talk to you and Aaron and whoever else you might be [00:34:45] bringing in is fantastic because there are so many resources. Not one person knows it all, but we can walk this this thing together because it really does, as they say, is so cliche. It takes a village to [00:35:00] raise a child. A village. It just does.

Kayla Magbie: [00:35:01] And, you know, that brings me back to I sound so old when I say this, but like back in my day.

Monica Patton: [00:35:07] Yeah. You know, now officially old hen you start using that term.

Kayla Magbie: [00:35:11] Back in my day. But it's the truth is that you know if [00:35:15] if somebody seen me out in public and I wasn't doing right, I wasn't acting right, which Lord I didn't do that much because my mom didn't have it and my grandmother didn't have it and my aunts didn't have it. So I was I would say I'm a fairly well mannered [00:35:30] child, but let's say I was out somewhere and I was not doing what was right. It would be nothing for another adult to correct me. If you in at school, it would be nothing for that teacher to correct me and my mom to back that teacher or [00:35:45] my mom to back that adult. Nowadays, it's a conflict. And so, like, you have parents who don't want anybody to get onto their child. And it's not that you're getting on to them. You're just trying to correct something and it's not a bad [00:36:00] thing. And I think that we have gotten away from that a lot. It's not to me that somebody is trying to discipline somebody else's child is just it takes a village and one parent, two parents. You can't be everywhere all the time with your child. [00:36:15] And so I think actually you don't.

Monica Patton: [00:36:18] And I would argue you don't need to be the only teacher.

Kayla Magbie: [00:36:20] You don't you really don't life. You're right. I agree. And that's why I think it has changed a lot just because, you know, when I was growing up, I [00:36:30] feel like there was a healthy I don't say healthy fear of an adult will tell me if I'm doing something wrong. They're going to get on to me. It don't matter if I'm at church. It don't matter if I'm at a sporting whatever or at school. And as that adult will tell me that I need to take that that [00:36:45] direction and correct it. Now, children feel like nobody can get on to me but this one parent or but my two parents or but my grandmother. And so whatever this teacher is saying, I'm not listening. Whatever this coach is saying, I'm not listening or whatever this lady [00:37:00] at Dollar General is telling me not to do. I'm not listening. And, you know, they feel like they can just get away with more. That's just my sense of it, that when people say, oh, it takes a village, it really does. Because I feel like [00:37:15] you as a child, you do need to take criticism from other adults versus just the your your core parents in your life.

Monica Patton: [00:37:24] Yeah, that's true. And you know, going back to I did want to touch on which I guess is kind [00:37:30] of what we're talking about with the parents and what y'all are doing right now with the program. But. There's what you hear about white knuckling. And when you are struggling as a parent, your child is struggling. There's resilience. But, you know, going back to the 40%, like sometimes, [00:37:45] you know, you're doing your best, okay? But that's where we as parents have to support our children and help them get the resources that they need. Maybe we need the resources. Maybe our children do. So going to resources. [00:38:00] So I love the the fpc's all in. I love that. So do you have anything within the community places that you would recommend parents go to for for help for? [00:38:15] Yeah.

Kayla Magbie: [00:38:15] You know, anything? I think Fort Payne is doing a wonderful job now more than ever as far as private practices. Primary care offices, primary care doctors providing [00:38:30] services that, you know, we didn't used to have. So when parents are asking me for resources, I always tell them, see Ed, Mental Health Center, CAC, the Children's Advocacy Center. The child's primary care doctor, whether it be Fort Payne Peds, Isabel Clinic, [00:38:45] wherever they may go on core talk to these professionals because they have kind of the ins and outs of what may be outside of Fort Payne. Also, we have a large group of private practices nowadays [00:39:00] in Fort Payne. We have Little River Counseling, we have Limestone, we have, um, mine, right. We have all of these places. Fort Payne Peds has a behavioral unit. A lot of people don't know that. [00:39:15] We have a lot of places. If I'm even forgetting any that are there, we just have to get connected to them. And most of the time you can get connected to them from the school, from us or from a primary care. So that's why I always tell parents, don't be afraid to ask or [00:39:30] talk to these individuals because they may not have the answers, but they may can point you in the direction who who could better help or better serve your child and your family, really.

Monica Patton: [00:39:37] And as a parent coming to you, it doesn't mean that you're a failure as a parent. No, it just means you need help. [00:39:45] And as we all do sometimes. Right.

Kayla Magbie: [00:39:47] I applaud parents who I applaud adults who ask for help. Asking for help is hard. It is asking for help is hard, but because it almost admits failure. But to me, I don't know why, but I've kind of flipped a switch. I guess I'm just getting older. This whole [00:40:00] thing is just making me feel so old. But it is to me it shows strength because you're like, I'm not going to keep making the same mistake. I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to ask about it, and I'm going to go to where I feel like I can get the best answer. [00:40:15] Because like you said, nobody has all the answers and you will beat yourself up thinking that you do. And so to me, asking for help is huge. Having open, vulnerable conversations is huge. Nobody likes to do that, [00:40:30] you know? But if you want a positive outcome, you want the best outcome. That's what it's going to start, is asking for help and just being vulnerable. Like, listen, this is how I'm feeling. This is what's going on in my home. This is what my kids got going on. You know, I don't know what to do [00:40:45] with it. What do you think?

Monica Patton: [00:40:46] So I hope that's the attitude that parents feel like they can come with and not. It's not with judgment. No, it's not with be vulnerable. Be open. Yes. Because very often I have found [00:41:00] in situations like you, when you actually when you've got a problem and you actually speak it. Somebody else needs to hear that. Somebody else needs to hear the answer to that or what you're doing about that.

Kayla Magbie: [00:41:11] Absolutely.

Monica Patton: [00:41:11] And so I really hope that our Fort Payne [00:41:15] parents and caregivers and I would say caregivers like whoever is.

Kayla Magbie: [00:41:20] Thank you for bringing that up. Whoever. And that's something else that we do see all the time is that it's not just mom and dad. It's an aunt, it's an uncle, it's grandparents. Lord bless [00:41:30] our grandparents because they are dealing with a whole generation gap and then they're trying to raise their grandchild as a child. That's a whole just can of worms there. But anybody who has direct contact with a [00:41:45] child or children in their life and they want to come and talk about it, they are more than welcome. They don't even have to be just Fort Payne City parents. They can be county. It don't matter. It's open. You know, it's really open to anybody. We we really want to be. We [00:42:00] just want. We just want to help. And Aaron and I have talked about this for a while, and Aaron is is a mother. She's a parent. And she has she's like, yeah, I want to dedicate some of my time to to help people. And I think that says a lot to [00:42:15] just about her and her character. But we all have things going on in our life. But if it's just an hour, one hour out of the month and what we're going to try to do, we will have, you know, forms there because they're like, I don't want nobody to know my business.

Kayla Magbie: [00:42:29] Fort Payne, [00:42:30] Lord, I think just the South in general is all about I don't want nobody to know my business. Nobody wants to know your business. You know what I mean? Like, nobody's out here trying to talk about your business. So we're going to have some release of confidentiality forms that we can sign so [00:42:45] that, you know, it hopefully gives people a safety. Safety, just like a mine, like a, you know, just feel comfortable like, hey, we're not going to go out here and talk about what you've done disclosed in this group. We also, you know, maybe not this first [00:43:00] session, but maybe in the next one to come. We hope to record it. You know, we we we realize that some people don't have the the privilege just jump in a car and come. And so because they may have to work or they may have, you know, kids to take care of. And so [00:43:15] we're going to try to record it and was going to say.

Monica Patton: [00:43:17] Is there any child care provided?

Kayla Magbie: [00:43:19] Well, we that may be a possibility. This first meeting, we're going to try to see how we can work this out to how many parents are going to show up, if they're going to have other children, [00:43:30] things of that nature, because we do have a program within our school system called peer Helpers. So we had talked a little bit about if there were parents who had other children, could we ask our peer helpers to kind of like babysit them for the hour or play with them? [00:43:45] How you might have.

Monica Patton: [00:43:45] Some people show up just to have a good babysitter for an hour.

Kayla Magbie: [00:43:49] That's something that we're looking at too, because Williams Avenue, Jamie McClung has changed that school. It is something like if you've never been in there, it's a fantastic school, but they have what they call the clubhouse [00:44:00] that is like something out of a storybook for children to play in so that he's been extremely helpful for us to allow us to use some of the meeting space over there. And so those are things that that we are hopeful [00:44:15] to get into Right now. We just got to take a step because it's never been done. So we just got to take a step and see kind of what we're getting into That's exciting. And then we'll take another one next month and then see what else we can do to improve it. So that's just that is honestly and bless our heart because [00:44:30] I'm all the time like, Hey, let's do this. And she's like, okay, you know, she she's always like, What else did you get us into? But she has never turned the challenge down. And you know that that makes me feel good, too.

Kayla Magbie: [00:44:42] It sounds like our good team, we are a I mean, [00:44:45] it couldn't be a better team because I do kind of jump in and she's like, Yeah, I do kind of jump in and then I tell her, Hey, this is what we're going to do or This is what we got going on. And she's like, okay, well, we can do it. So that's why I feel comfortable and confident. [00:45:00] Say what do you think about this? And she's going to give me her opinion, but she's never going to be like, No, we can't do it. Or no, I don't think we got enough time. We're going to figure it out together. And I think we are a good team. And I think Fort Payne, you know, [00:45:15] I think they get the best of us every day that we show up. And I hope that they see that. And we want to continue to to grow and to provide things that's never been done before. We really want to be problem solvers and not just in talking sense, but in [00:45:30] action.

Monica Patton: [00:45:30] Well, I think that's huge. And like just it says something about you and Aaron both is just you're seeing the issues and we can work with the kids all day long. And we do. And they have resources. But we as parents, we as adults, we as caregivers, we need help [00:45:45] as well. So this is kind of, you know, speaking into them and encouraging them and showing them where to find support and knowing that y'all are a support for them as well. So that's huge. And I think. Parents once [00:46:00] again cannot hear that enough that that you're there. And if you can't help, you can send them to the right thing. So can I ask you before, as we wrap up, speaking about the first meeting, September the 21st. [00:46:15]

Kayla Magbie: [00:46:15] Okay.

Monica Patton: [00:46:16] Do we have a topic yet?

Kayla Magbie: [00:46:17] The this topic is just going to be a general topic is today's youth and mental health. So it's just going to be general and we're going to do the first 80 minutes about that and then the second 30 minutes is going to be open discussion. But [00:46:30] in the future, our goal is to break it down into more specific topics to where we maybe can have two meetings a month where we have a more age specific topic for middle school and high school parents, and then a specific topic for intermediate and [00:46:45] elementary parents so that they can get more for their time. But this first one, I think, is just going to be general just to kind of get our feet wet to see who all shows up, what are their needs, what do they think they want to talk about, and then we can come up with go from there, go from there and have like a [00:47:00] better idea, a better calendar. As far as what all do these parents want to talk about? Do we need to have two meetings a month?

Monica Patton: [00:47:08] Are you all thinking about potentially opening up to outside resources and other speakers? For sure, for sure.

Kayla Magbie: [00:47:13] We want to provide, [00:47:15] you know, as much as we can. And I think people who are willing to come, we're going to give them the opportunity to come, you know, because we we can learn from them as well.

Monica Patton: [00:47:24] Okay, great. So I'm so excited about this. Thank you for being a dreamer. Thank you for [00:47:30] taking that baby step. And, you know, just. You know, when you see an issue, when you're dealing with issues, you've got to think about get outside the box like and I'm glad I'm all about trying new things and, you know, [00:47:45] just see where it goes. But I think it's definitely a huge advantage to our parents and caregivers in this community. And I love that you're opening up to not just Fort Payne but beyond. So that just shows your heart.

Kayla Magbie: [00:47:56] And yeah, it could be anybody. And, you know, I think, too. One real quick [00:48:00] before we forget, before we finish up here, you know, I think another issue that we're seeing is that our teachers, our teachers are struggling. And, you know, they are human, too. And they have a lot going on. And and they're the ones who are teaching our kids. So, you [00:48:15] know, like you said, we provide wraparound service for our for our kids, but we don't think about our teachers as far as what our wraparound services for them will be. So that's that's going to be our next kind of project after we get this one up off the ground. [00:48:30] This is why I say by Aaron after we get this one up off the ground and Aaron's like, Hold up.

Monica Patton: [00:48:33] Let's do this.

Kayla Magbie: [00:48:34] First and it's running smoothly, then we're going to try to focus on our teachers.

Monica Patton: [00:48:38] Oh, gosh. Well, we love our teachers. And and yes, any support. Once again, we all need [00:48:45] support.

Kayla Magbie: [00:48:46] That's it.

Monica Patton: [00:48:47] Well, I learned a lot. I know our listeners will, too. And. I'm sorry. You got to back off. But you know what? Hey, once again, you showed up. Even you weren't your best.

Kayla Magbie: [00:48:59] You got. [00:49:00]

Monica Patton: [00:49:00] To. And hey, we're here. And I hope I really do believe people will find this information helpful. And if they need to, if they want to know more about. This resource, this new program or anything else. How do they need [00:49:15] to find you?

Kayla Magbie: [00:49:15] Um. If they could go to our school's website, which is just the Fort Payne City Schools website, they should be able to find it somewhere on the home page there or there's on the side panel under the counseling tab. There's a mental health tab.

Monica Patton: [00:49:29] Okay, great. [00:49:30] I want to say thank you for what you do for our school system, for my kids and beyond. You're awesome. You and Aaron. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We just cannot have enough. We cannot have enough help. And our [00:49:45] kids are benefiting greatly. And I appreciate you and what you do within our schools and community.

Kayla Magbie: [00:49:51] Thank you so much. And this the opportunity. I appreciate it. You do a lot for our community and for our students. And so we're thankful. You know, [00:50:00] it's all about togetherness. It's all about, you know, lifting each other up and just trying to survive together, honestly. And that's true. Yeah, we're just trying to survive. Like, let's just make it.

Monica Patton: [00:50:13] Survive well.

Kayla Magbie: [00:50:14] Survive well.

Monica Patton: [00:50:15] Sure. [00:50:15] Be resilient.

Kayla Magbie: [00:50:16] Resilient. That's it. I need to put that on a t-shirt.

Monica Patton: [00:50:18] I think that needs to be a t-shirt for sure.

Kayla Magbie: [00:50:20] Love a good t-shirt.

Monica Patton: [00:50:21] Thanks, Kayla. This is.

Kayla Magbie: [00:50:22] Fun. Thank you so.

Monica Patton: [00:50:23] Much. It's great. Thanks. Thank you for listening to Parts of Us podcast. You can visit our website at parts of us [00:50:30] podcast dot net or check us out on Instagram. We would love to hear from you whether it be suggestions for the podcast, testimonials, sponsorship opportunities or general feedback. Email us at Monica at parts of podcast.com [00:50:45] or reach out to us on our social media.

Narrator: [00:50:54] This podcast represents the views and opinions of Monica Payton and her guests. Its content is presented for informational, [00:51:00] educational and entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as medical, psychological or legal advice. Please contact a professional for specific questions. This content does not represent any place of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information shared is accurate, [00:51:15] comments, suggestions or correction of errors are welcome.